My Very Definitive Stance on Abortion.

Note: A lack of posts in the past few weeks has been due to a lot going on, which left me no time to write or post. I will be back next week with something, most likely my opinion on what is happening in Ferguson, MO. I think I may have a fairly nuanced opinion on that, which made me think of this Best Of* gem from 2007. Please note that even in 2007 making an “I Am Sam” reference was not timely, you aren’t missing out on some sort of cutting edge joke, so don’t feel left out. Also, if you are offended at all, then do not worry, that’s normal. If you are not offended even a little bit, then please let me know as I think I may have to go Highlander on you, as there can be only one…

Without further ado, here is my in depth, specific and definitive analysis of a topic that is just as hot button now as it was 7 years ago…


(Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn…)


 So another hot issue this election season is abortion. As far as political rhetoric goes it’s one of the best for all involved. Opinions are strong on either side and both try to pull a moral authority power grab. In case you haven’t heard, or somehow had the insane thought that “for” or “against” is a good enough position, your choices on the abortion issue seem to be the following:


Pro life


Pro choice


Holy shit! Now that’s a tough decision right there. We all like life, except of course for emo kids who should just man up and kill themselves, and we all like having choices. Even if they are hard choices. Like deciding between “Tomb Raider” or “I am Sam” for a Cleveland Steamer Award**. The easiest way to decide if you are pro life or pro choice should logically be to look at both arguments and determine what fits your own morals, your logical conclusions, or what the voices tell you. You choose one side and stick with it. So here, for  your ease and enjoyment, are the pro life and pro choice arguments:


Pro life:

A fetus is a life. It becomes alive when the sperm meets the egg (or in some cases when the sperm leaves the penis, which makes every 15 year old boy a mass murderer). Therefore aborting a fetus is killing a real live person.


Pro Choice:

Women have a right to choose what happens to their bodies. If they want elective surgery there should be no law against it.


There you go, if you don’t want to slaughter babies like a dingo on crack, you are pro life. If you aren’t the kind of person that thinks women are sub-human and should be treated like mentally challenged chimpanzees then you are pro choice. 

Well, that should clear up the debate for everyone. You are welcome America!

*Please note that “Best Of’ is a relative term and in no way implies any level of quality.

** A Cleveland Steamer Award involves pulling the DVD out and taking a “steamer” on it in reference to it’s shittiness… While it is a close call, “I Am Sam” does win this particular contest.

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